The Ulitmate Teacher

Original Title: 恐怖のバイオ人間 最終教師
Romanized: Kyoufu no Baio-Ningen - Saishuu Kyoushi
Literal: The Dread Bio-Human - The Final Teacher

Plot Synopsis

At Emperor High, the most wretched high school in the district, gangs run rampant and the teachers live in fear of their students. Enter Ganpachi Chibane, the self proclaimed "Ultimate Teacher." No ordinary teacher would be up to the task, but Ganpachi isn't just any Ultimate Teacher--he is also known as the Fearsome Bioreconstructed Man; having escaped from a secret government experiment years earlier, Ganpachi has been gifted with strength and fighting abilities far beyond those of any ordinary human, and he's determined to bring discipline to Emperor High, whatever the cost.

But his adversary is the head of all the gangs at Emperor--Shiratori Hinako. She's no ordinary opponent, and isn't about to let him mess up her perfectly good (by her standards, anyway) school, either. But, to complicate matters more, you don't get to the top without making some enemies, and they're bound to side with the new power on campus. Then there's that scientist who has devoted his life to tracking down his escaped experiment. Oh, yes... there's also a little thing that has to do with Lucky Kitty Gym Shorts...

Review

Rating: 4 / 5
Reviewer: Marc
Review Date: 2006-07-22

A forgotten gem of anime insanity, The Ultimate Teacher is utterly bizarre and absolutely tasteless in all the right ways for those with an appropriately warped sense of humor. For everybody else, it's the sort of weird better left alone.

At first, The Ultimate Teacher looks like just another off-kilter anime fighting action comedy, but things keep getting stranger and stranger until you have to ask yourself just who thought up this madness. If you happen to be blessed (or cursed) with just the right sense of humor, you may well also find yourself rolling on the floor gasping for breath.

Being one of those people who finds a sort of beauty in the type of calculated randomness that shows like The Tick embody, I have to say that The Ultimate Teacher is truly inspired. If nothing else, I promise that you'll never look at gym shorts the same way again. (I'm being intentionally vague about the underwear thing--to describe much about the plot would just rob it of some of the humor.)

The story is a decent parody of a bunch of anime cliches: Street fighting, the youth gangs that (according to anime) plague Japanese schools, and of course those escaped government experiments that always seem to run amok. It also takes quick pot shots at costumed superheroes (Spider Man fans take note... and be afraid), cool superpowered ninja teams, and a few other categories. It's impressive that it lampoons so many genres and still manages a surprisingly coherent storyline (heck, it probably flows better than most serious action movies).

Of course, that's a big part of what makes a really good parody in my eyes: Reasonably sympathetic characters put in preposterous situations in a world that still follows its own logic. The Ultimate Teacher has all of the above--it's crazed, but it makes sense. Hinako and even Ganpachi, for all his malicious tenacity, are both characters you can be bothered to care about, and the rest of the whacked-out crew have personality as well.

Top all that off with surprisingly decent action and a couple of flat-out disturbing situations then cram it into one short video, and you've got an impressive parody-plus for those who can appreciate it.

Technically, The Ultimate Teacher isn't great, but is a generally solid production, particularly for an older one-shot OAV. The art is classically styled and of fair quality, and the animation isn't bad at all--there's plenty of nice-looking action, and even a couple of creative abilities (including the coolest use of coins as a weapon I've ever seen). The fun character designs are certainly distinctive, running the gamut from classic anime to outright cartoony.

The Japanese voice acting is lots of fun. The Ultimate Teacher himself is quite a character, and the rest of the cast has all the classic overblown cheese of any good anime action movie. There is a little-known dub, but I haven't seen it.

The music during the movie is fittingly over the top, although it gets a little quiet toward the end. The end theme, by the popular rock group Kome Kome Club, is worth particular note. The offbeat humor they're known for is a perfect match for The Ultimate Teacher, and indeed they serve up an appropriately raucous and silly song.

I honestly can't say that The Ultimate Teacher will appeal to many people--most will probably find it too weird for its own good. But for those with the right sense of humor and an affinity for the truly bizarre, it is a inspired gem and one that shouldn't be missed, if you can find it.

Related Recommendations

Something like a cross between Project A-ko, Battle Royal High School, and Street Fighter II, but even stranger than that sounds. The more recent and majorly fanserivce-heavy Ikki Tousen is also vaguely similar, and Excel Saga, while drastically more hyperactive and random, is certainly as scary-weird.

US DVD Review

None exists as of this writing, in any country.

Content Guide

A few objectionable scenes, and lots of gross humor; about a 13-up.

Violence: 2 - Lots of fighting, but mostly pretty silly stuff.

Nudity: 2 - One brief scene, and more scenes with briefs (and gym shorts) than you can shake a stick at.

Sex/Mature Themes: 2 - Nothing terribly objectionable, but some off-color jokes and a total lack of taste.

Language: 1 - Scattered expletives.

Notes and Trivia

A note on the title: The second half of the title, "Saishuu Kyoushi" (literally meaning "Final Teacher") is probably a play on the phrase "saishuu heiki," meaning "ultimate weapon" (literally, "final weapon"). As such, "The Ultimate Teacher" is probably the most accurate translation in spirit.

The end theme music is by the popular Japanese rock group Kome Kome Club; they've been around since the '80s, and are known for fun music much of which has less than serious lyrics, as well as extremely elaborate and wacky stage shows (which is entirely appropriate for the Ultimate Teacher). They also happen to be one of Akemi's favorite groups.

Availability

A very early (1993) subtitled VHS release by US Manga Corps, they also re-released it on subtitled and dubbed VHS in the mid-90s. All versions are long out of print.

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