Akemi's Anime World

Tokyo: The Matchstick City Humor

What is it with Tokyo always getting blown up? We offer some answers.

Tokyo, also known as "The Matchstick City," "The Fuse of the Orient," or just "Japan's Disaster Waiting to Happen," was unknowingly built at the center of a great confluence of cosmic forces: seismic faults, Chi flows, Lay lines, Chinese Earth Dragons, convenient interstellar landing points, and gateways to alternate dimensions all converge at or near the city center. Therefore, if any demon invasion, magical eruption, extraterrestrial conquest, or other earth-shattering event is to occur, it will always begin in Tokyo. Always.

As a result, in addition to being of supreme supernatural importance and the home of most unsuspecting high-school or college age heroes, it is also one of the most fragile cities on earth. Tidal Waves and massive earthquakes have been a known problem for hundreds of years, but nuclear wars, meteors, psychic shockwaves, and destructive battles between superpowered teenagers are all highly likely to hit Tokyo before any other place on Earth.

The tenacity of Tokyo residents is legendary, however, and it's well known that they're far more likely to rebuild on the ruins or continue inhabiting a demon-infested war zone than to move to nearby Osaka. It has been theorized this is due to its residents' subconscious desire to watch the place go down in flames again or a deep seated fear that they too will develop the dreaded "Osaka Dialect." I, however, believe it has more to do with the area's convenient location relative to Tokyo Disneyland.

Note also that, upon close examination, the exact center of the universe has been found to lie somewhere within the Shinjuku district. In addition to being an excellent place for fashion shopping, it is where 85% of all important events in Japan will invariably occur.

Side Notes

Tokyo Tower (AKA "The Great Lightning Rod") is a known attractor of tourists, crepe sellers, and massive discharges of supernatural energy, as well as the site of most Tokyo-centered climactic battles (which is to say, almost all climactic battles occurring on Earth).

Also, you don't usually hear about the obliteration of Tokyo on the nightly news because the city has only been there for a couple of hundred years, and major supernatural or extraterrestrial invasions are are somewhat less likely than major earthquakes on the Kanto fault, generally occurring in multiples of 300 or 1000 years. The Japanese media is also touchy about reporting on massive damage to the capital, so they tend to focus on more important things, like David Duchoveny hyping a new movie or investigative reports on why modern Japanese preschoolers can't do somersaults.*

*No, of course I didn't make this up.